One can’t give what one doesn’t have.

John was stressed. He tries many things prescribed to him to break from the stress and he still could not.

One day, casually chatting over a drink in the evening, I asked him “What is it John that stresses you out so much?”

“I don’t know” he said.

I asked him, “Is it the job?”
He said, “No”
“Friends?”
“No”
“Family?”
“No”
“Children?”
“No”

“Then what is it John?”
“I don’t know” he replied with honesty, “I really don’t know.”

“John, tell me one thing. Are you afraid of something?” He thinks for a while, finishing his remaining drink, pointing for another one. Head tucked down, eyes closed. When the next drink arrived, he raised his head, one sip and with some shiver in his voice he started “You know what? I am, in reality afraid. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid of not being able to stand by my little family. I am afraid I will not be able to give what I want, to my wife, to my kids to my friends.”

He went on, “I am afraid that one day, I will not be able to give that security, that happiness and that love to them.” He stopped. I could see the shimmer of tears in his eyes. Tears he held back but fear was pouring out from all over.

It was the fear that caused the stress in his life. This stress was affecting his peace of mind and hence adversely affecting his work, his relationship and his stable family.

This is very typical of the society that we live in. From the genuine love and affection for ones own family and friends, the fear of failure rises and before even you know, it manifests into reality. Fear brings weakness. Weakness brings failure. Weakness means defeat before even giving a fight.

Solution is simple. Once again, ask yourself, what is it that you are afraid of? Afraid of, being a failure to your family? Failing in what? Failing in giving them happiness and love?

Well you can’t give that if you don’t have it yourself in the first place. Fear will take all that away from you. You will be left with no peace, no love and no happiness. Then how will you be able to give it to you family?

Remember you are made of your family. On your own you are nothing. So instead of trying to make them happy, make yourself happy first and this will automatically bring them happiness. Since you are made of them, whatever else makes you, will benefit also benefit from what you do to yourself. You choose to suffer, they will suffer too. You choose to be happy, they will be happy too. Don’t ignore the most important thing in your life. ‘You’ are the most important thing your life.

Do this exercise: Every morning when you wake up, before jumping off your bed, put your hands on your eyes, say to yourself, “Today I choose to be happy. So let me be happy and this way all that makes me, will be happy too.”  Take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes, step off and begin your day.

Let me know what you experience.

PS: The above is from a series of article I had written long ago, for an organisation wanting help people break free from fears. I just found them and will post a select few here.

Advertisements